:: eLise is me ::: February 2007

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Literal

I was just lying on my bed, enjoying the cool breeze of the weather, when it started raining, and my mind stared wandering.

The coolness of the bedsheet, the warmth of my blanket, the comfort of my teddy, the weather and the melody of the raindrops.

And this just popped into my mind:

The sky is crying,
Her heart is aching.
And she is wandering,
If she is falling.

Monday, February 26, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

shorts

"You've got bruises on your leg."

That concerned frown.

"My friend pinched me."

That concerned frown.

"I get bruises easily."

That concerned frown.

"Sometimes it could be due to lack in iron. Sometimes."

That concerned frown.

"He's rather good looking, and very friendly. I'm sure there's girls who's got the hots for him. Aren't you worried?"

"Given the situation, I have no ground to feel that way."

"Oh yes, that's true."

"So how much do I have to pay you?"

"10 bucks."

She stared.

"How much is it?"

She asked.

"63. 20 - 20. Around 12 or 13 each."

"Did you give him his change?"

"Yeah I did. 5 bucks."

She stared.

Then lighted a cigarette and walked away.

"Come on. I'm not gonna let you fall."

His hands outstretched, palms facing upwards.

12.36am

"Where are you?"

"At home."

"Are you hungry?"

"A little."

"Wanna go grab a bite? I haven't had my dinner yet."

"WHAT?"

"Ok. Whatever."

"Go get ready. I'm coming to pick you up now."

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Trapped.

Confused, not knowing what causes all these contradictions. A position which is never a pleasure, nor appreciated. The mind and heart are at conflict, once again. The same old issue.

A battle, that sheds no blood. Only intense heartaches, and invisible tears. The heartaches of being misunderstood. The tears which stem, from the countless failure in trying to cross over. Of the unseen effort, trials, and frustration.

The internal struggle, ever so well disguised, and ever so well kept in the mind. The constant rage of the conscious, and the unconscious. The never ceasing rage. Intense.

A constant overwhelming sensation, which threatens to drown. Even the most well trained, even the toughest.

The invisible confusion, contradictions, conflict, battle, heartache, tears, failures, effort, frustration, struggle, and rage. Invisible.

That automatic barrier. Conscious or unconscious?

That desire to protect, prevent, and maintain. To hold back, even though it so desperately wants to be known.

That facade which seems like a breeze. That facade which seems like a chosen choice. That facade which is never wanted.

Trapped.

Can anyone hear that silent scream for help?

Can you see beyond it all?

Saturday, February 17, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

fly me home, where i belong.

Dean has a new "mushroom" hairstyle, which is absolutely adorable!

Jay is still his usual naughty and funny self.

Wei Hang is rather quiet.

Teng Yi is speaking in proper sentences, and him speaking in chinese is cute-ness to the max!

Dan is his usual cool dude self.

Yu Shang has a new short do, which is really pretty.

Wan Yi is rather shy, so unlike herself back in Taiwan.

Lil brother has a new pair of spectacles, and has snooped my watch.

Brody is working tonight.

Christine is the mic-woman for the night.

Gramp has a new powder blue top.

Poppy looks so much older.

Everyone misses me but they have no idea what to say to me. And I got to know that Brody often mention me. I miss him too.

Heck. I miss everyone. So much.

La vie est Belle <>

Joy be Me !

Just had a video call with Aunt Joyce & Uncle KS. They're heading over to gramps place later for the reunion dinner. Woohoo! Will be having a video call with everyone later on when I'm back from my own dinner.

Woot!

Happy Happy Me!

*dances in joy*

I wonder if they'll miss me.
The absence of that crazy girl/sister/cousin/niece who talks nonsense, cracks lame jokes, leaves her veggies cooking in the steamboat for so long cos she likes them soft, and who keeps threatening to throw the kiddos into the toilet bowl.

Ohh...
What sweet memories!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Tell me

What exactly are you rushing for?

This endless pursuit for material wants, material comfort, material standing, material pride.
Are all that really worth that much at the end of the day?

Born into the world with nothing except yourself, you strive and work so terribly hard to get all those things defined by society to be the Prestige.
You sell yourself out, neglect your love ones in the process, and abandon your self.

Just for the latest sports car, the most extravagant meals, the luxury brands, the fanciest dwelling.

And when you're gone, it's only just scrap metals, organic waste, moulding leather, cement and stones.

The values as concorted by the society are flawed. But you accept it because it's so much simpler to be just like everyone else. You dread changes, and being different, because that'll make you an outcast. Being yourself will make you stand out like a sore thumb, and you'll then become an alien.

I remember dear telling me of his encounter on the MRT. A little boy was asking his mother about dear's cast, and the mother answered the boy, asking him not to stare, with the connotation that if you stare, the same thing will befall upon you.

As if dear is born with it. As if it is contagious. As if it is illegal. As if it warrants pity.

Just because you have a gash above your brow, a cast on your arm, a leg shorter than the other, people automatically label you as handicap. Have you noticed how, many people are at a lost when they encounter a handicap? Why are you at a lost? Just because they're different?

For crying out loud, they are just like us. We are all made of flesh, and have blood flowing inside of us.
The only difference is that their bumps are physical.
Remember, it's not a handicap, it's not a flaw, it's not a deficiency.
It's a beautiful creation in a different form.
Just because your bumps are not physically visible, doesn't make you the superior species. Get a life.

People dread the unknown, the unchartered territories.
Situations which are uncommon to you, make you feel unease.
Things which you have no knowledge of, fill you with fear.
Events which you have no control over, make you feel helpless.

It is so often that you measure everyone according to a standard of your own. This standard is shaped by the values taught to you, the environment you grew up in, the society's tolerance, your family, the people you've met.

You unconciously mark someone by the way they should react, the things they should say, the actions they should do.
If that's not met, you naturally make conclusion that there's something wrong with them.

It is so common a mistake and misrepresentation, that you are no longer conscious of it. It has slipped your mind that nobody is exactly the same. We are all unique individuals. With different mindset, behaviours, DNA, fingerprints, habits, demeanor, point of view and values.

Just as a single word can convey so many different meanings, everyone reacts differently to the same specific situation. Just because it doesn't fits into your set of values, doesn't mean that they're wrong.

You cannot change a person, unless you strip him bare of all the values, beliefs, code of conduct and sense of right & wrong taught to him.
It is only when you make him a clean slate, then can you impose your own set of values, beliefs, code of conduct and sense of right & wrong to him.

And if you do just that, what difference is it to reprogramming a computer?

And wouldn't it be such a bore, if everyone is exactly the same? A replica of one another, with the exception of different physical traits.

And what world would that be then?

And so, you tell me.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Update 1 2 3

The first week of school had been fairly fine, and I'm fortunate enough to have gotten the same lecturers for 4 out of 5 subjects. So knowing their teaching style and expectations, makes everything a little bit easier.

As usual, the klutz in me popped out, and I took the wrong bus TWICE. The first bus took me on a merry-go-round, and I ended back at the station from where I started. I hopped onto the second bus, but it didn't get me to my destination.

But lucky me, the driver was terribly nice that he switched off the service, and drove me to my destination (the perks of being the only passenger!).

Aww... Thank you so much, Mr Driver!

Speaking of which, I seem to have a pretty good affinity with bus drivers. Once I went pubbing with Jess, and having saw the bus, I just hopped onto it without thinking (cos its the last service). And that's when I realised that the bus was going the opposite direction!

But of course, the driver was nice enough to bring me back as he has to drive the bus back to the bus port, which is near my house. Hohoho. And I must say, it is really weird, sitting in a bus with all the lights off.
And yeah, I still remember the bus driver's name!

I'm actually feeling rather proud of myself.
Cos I've done everything I set out to do during the week, and even more. This past week had went really well. Hopefully every week is the same.
But oh well, I can dream on.
If only Life is a bed of roses, without the thorns.

Headed to FastEd with Sharon and her friends, and I ordered an apple pie. I got the shock of my life when it came.

The apple pie at FastEd is seriously just apple and the crust. Nothing more, nothing less. It's so different from the kind I had. And of course, I didn't manage to finish the whole thing. Too much apple!

(>_<)

Anyway, I'm so glad that Sharon has finally found a place to call her own. She's been house hunting for the past week and has viewed and applied for more than 5 houses!

And suddenly one fine day, she popped by without calling me, and scared the shit outta me by knocking on my window. She asked "Know what?", and that's when I knew she got a house. Yay!

On a more recent note, went clubbing with my classmates last night. It was a blast! Hahaha.
And earlier during the day, I semi-made my first cake ever!

I bought the cake base, and made the cream and topping. Hohoho. Aren't the birthday boy the luckiest guy in the world? (pray hard that nobody gets tummy ache)

It was rather annoying, trying to spread the cream all over the cake, when it's threatening to fall apart any moment! But I had fun. Any more birthday coming up? Haha.

Anyway, dear will be flying off for Melbourne tomorrow. It slipped my mind to ask the time of flight.

I wonder if you'll read this before flying off.

It's a bit disappointing on my part that I can't send you off, but I guess that'll leave us even. And I'm upset that I'm not the last person you meet before leaving.

*pouts*

All right, I'm just kidding about that. Haha.

Anyway, I hope I can make the trip, otherwise the next time I'll see you will be in 2008. I will not be going back any time this year. But you can always come visit me after your course ends in August(?).

And yes, we'll take loads of pictures together that my memory card goes burst! Lol!

=p

And thanks for calling that day, it was a pleasant surprise.
I gotta thank your internet for being sucky! Haha.
And it's so sweet of you to say that you'll make time out for me no matter how busy.

Well, have a great flight my dear, and hopefully you'll settle back in fine. Take care and have loads of fun in school! And don't forget to update me on any hot guys over at your side. Haha! (kidding)

=)

: xoxo :

Monday, February 05, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Total sadness.

The horrific truth dawned upon me today that I'm doomed to be a sneaker girl!

Cos I have lab session EVERYDAY, and the rule is to wear covered footwear, or the lecturers will kick your ass out.

Oh me gosh.

OH ME GOSH!

Some ensembles are only meant to be paired with beautiful high heels. And do you know how homey sneakers are?

NOOOOOOOOOO . . . . .

Thank goodness there's something called ballet flats.
Pfft!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Mill Point

The myriad of colourful neon light reflected on the river.

The slightly salted smell of river and greens in the air.

The clement weather of a summer night.

The mellow clapping of the water.

The hearty laughter of people.

Lying on the grass and looking at the stars, talking about anything and everything.

That would be a beautiful way to spend a wonderful Saturday evening.

A quiet moment amidst the hustle and bustle of life.

Friday, February 02, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Do you have someone like that?

Maybe you've been in love, maybe you like each other.
But why aren't you together?

Maybe it's due to peer pressure, that he didn't woo you.
Maybe it's due to family pressure, that both of you aren't together.

Maybe it's due to leaving for overseas study, that he didn't want you to wait for him.

Maybe it's due to the two of you meeting too early, that both of you didn't know how to cherish.

Maybe it's due to the two of you meeting too late, that there's already another half.

Maybe it's due to you turning back too late, that he isn't waiting anymore.

Maybe it's due to the two of you testing each other's heart, yet still unable to cross that line.

Even though the two of you aren't together, both of you are still friends.
But in your heart, you know that you are caring more than a friend should.

Although the two of you can officially hold hands while shopping, and can talk about anything under the sun.

If there's someone he likes, you'll say that you'll help him get her.
But in your heart, you're questioning if that's really what you wanna do.

If he meets with any problems, you'll do whatever it takes to help him, not caring about who owing who.

If the other half gets jealous, you'll say that the two of you are just friends.
Yet in your heart, there is a tinge of doubt.

There will be this special someone in everyone's life.
A very contradicting behaviour.

The two of you entered this friendship reluctantly in the beginning.
But as time passes, you realised that this is for the best.

You would rather care for him this way, than to risk having to break up one day.

You would rather be his friend, whereby you have no grounds to get jealous, and to be able to chat about everything under the sun.

And because of this, you will always know that, he will care for you forever.

Since the two of you can't be together, being each other's special someone, won't this arrangement be better?

Do you have this certain someone in your life?

A lot of relationships ended due to one sided love, which results in broken friendships.

You will feel that it isn't worth it.

A lot of friendships frozed, and even declined, because of the lack of response to the other party's "I like you".

And perhaps these are the reasons, why a lot of us won't step across the line.

Because this is a gamble.

By being frank, you either get together, or you lose the friendship.

There are a lot of things which you can't predict.
Maybe he doesn't mind, and the friendship still goes on.

But sometimes it may not be as good as before.
And wouldn't it be such a waste? And what regret that would be.

But perhaps, there is a third option?

That the two of you are friends for the rest of your life.
But reluctantly?

Came across this from my housemate's blog. It struck me, as I feel exactly the same way. And so I thought I'll share it with you darlings.

=)