Friday, June 30, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


So close.


"Being the honest, sensible and practical you........"

When he said that, how I wish I wasn't all that.
How I wish my heart rules my head and then will I have the courage to take the plunge.

But then it is those characters in me that saved my ass.

I nearly commit a serious mistake.

And I was so close to doing it.

So close.

But thanks to my lucky stars that I'm honest, sensible and practical. If not, I'll be done for it.

It's such an irony.

Pros and cons to being who I am.

Pros and cons to having those values I cultivate in myself.

But at the end of the day, I'm proud of how I turn out to be. And I love myself for being who I am.

I sure am damn proud of myself.

*grinz*



Thursday, June 29, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Respect?


I'm contemplating whether I should write this entry calmly or to shout out my real feelings.

By writing it calmly is a form of respect for whoever might stumble upon this entry.

By writing it in my most frank and raw emotion would somehow bring a sense of relieve for me but will be filled with hatred and profanities.

I think I'll just be myself. Cos I'm going crazy from controlling and containing my emotions.

You demand respect from us. But have you ever thought of whether you really do deserve it? Bcos we are in the asian context, thus it is expected for us to respect you as our elder. But we don't see it that way. Cos you fucking DO NOT deserve our respect!

You come home drunk EVERYDAY and you can even be dead drunk in the EARLY MORNING! What the fuck?! Early morning?! I'm fucking sure your bloody retarded brain's been too damn numb and dumb to realise the austerity of what you're doing.

You don't realise that even your own children dislike you do you?

They are just being respectful bcos they hold strongly to the asian practice of being filial.

But we do not. And we're NOT gonna apologise for that.

Clean up your act or shut the fuck up and continue receiving such treatments from us.

AND STOP DRAGGING MY DAD & GRAMP INTO IT!

It is we who are being disrespectful to ya and not them. SO STOP BEING SUCH A BLOODY NUISANCE!

All those things which you said during your drunkard state of mind only serves to make you appear more pathetic. So don't think we took all those to heart and feel regretful and will repent.

COS WE BLOODY WILL NOT! ALL WE DO IS TO LAUGH AT YOU FOR BEING SO STUPID!

Every time when you come home drunk, how we wish we could just kill you. Stab you with a knife or hit you hard on the head with a vase. But we will not waste our lives over someone as useless as you.

I will tell you why you do not deserve our respect!

What have you ever done for the family?

NOTHING!

You just ran away and leave the whole family to gramp. You cheated on her. And up till now, what right have you done?

STILL NOTHING!

All you do is get drunk and come home yelling and making a fool outta yourself.

And all you do care about is your face!

WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR FACE! WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU!

Cos you are not the one who brought us up and give us education, food, shelter and love!

All you ever gave was emotional dis-balance in us!

WE ARE GOING CRAZY ESPECIALLY ME!

I'VE HAD MY BLOODY SHARE OF EMOTIONAL TURMOIL TO HANDLE AND THAT IS MORE THAN I CAN TAKE! I AM STILL TRYING TO COPE WITH IT BUT THERE YOU ARE ADDING MORE AND MORE ONTO ME!

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I CAN'T!

I WISH YOU ARE DEAD! DEAD!

JUST DROP DEAD WILL YA?! ALL THE FIGHTS YOU HAD WITH GRAMP, ALL THE SHOUTS YOU HAD WITH DAD. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

WHY DON'T YOUR LIVER OR HEART STOP FUNCTIONING?!

WHY?!

JUST DIE AND GO AWAY! COS WE FUCKING HATE YOU! ESPECIALLY ME!

I HAD TO BE SO SCARED THAT TIME WHEN YOU FOUGHT WITH GRAMP! I HAD TO BE CRYING AND CALLING UP AUNT TO COME OVER AND STOP YOU! I HAD TO BE FEELING SO HELPLESS COS DAD WASN'T HOME.

I'VE LOST COUNT OF HOW MANY TIMES I'VE CRIED WHILE HAVING TO DEAL WITH YOU!

SO PLEASE JUST DIE!

I FUCKING HATE YOU!

You will NEVER get the kind of respect we give to Dad and gramp even at your deathbed. You will NEVER get it!

Our teachings and values are taught by our gramp and Dad. Not you. And do you think the other children will still be as respectful to ya if they see what we see everyday?

BLOODY NO!

You keep talking about when you'll die and yada yada. Why not just die now? Quit the talking. Action speaks louder than words!

You speaks of upbringing. But what kind of upbringing have you shown to us? To the guests?

NOTHING!

You can just stumble home drunk and make a scene in front of the guests. In front of the little kids. Don't you feel shameful?

So who are you to talk about upbringing with us when you are not one excellent example yourself?

I've seen the way you try to delude outsiders into thinking you are a proper man. But hell you're not. It's not working. It only makes me look down on ya even more. Cos ur such a fake. Such a face caring person. Such a useless dump.

We hate you from the inner most depth of our hearts. We hate you so much that even our bone marrows hate you.

And you will NEVER! NEVER get the kind of respect you yearn even at your deathbed. NEVER!

You will never be like gramp or Dad. So don't expect any change.

And I can just tell you now that Dad and gramp will NEVER get the kind of treatment we gave you cos we love them very much. We truly respect them for who they are and what they've done.

The only thing that makes us tied to you is the blood relations we share. Other than that, NOTHING! We do not love you, we do not adore you. We do not wanna respect you.

Cos you definitely don't deserve it.

The more you yearn respect from us, the more you will never get it. The one thing you want most outta us will never be attainable.

Cos remember this.

We hate you and we wish you were dead.



Sunday, June 25, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


The day before I went away . . .


Long-awaited-should-have-been-due-very-very-very-long-long-long-time-ago post.

Met up with CS the day before I flew off to Taiwan, at Bugis, to get a new camera so that I can satisfy the picture snapping fanatic in me.

Haha.

Took my Dad's old old old handycam which he thought is very worthy now, and cashed it in for a brand new camera!

Hee hee!

It's not my idea ok. It's CS's. Tsk tsk. What a naughty boy you are. Teaching me such wayward morals!

Muahaha!

Anyway, that oldie handycam is only worth 200bucks. If I have the whole package which includes the wires, charger and all, it'll be worth another 200bucks. But too bad! My Dad doesn't have them damn wires and charger.

Waste my money.

Ahem. Correction. Waste my Dad's money.

Called him up and told him about the situation and sweet-talked him into letting me trade off the handycam for a new digicam. Supposed to be family property but up till now, it's mine!

Muahaha!

Evil is me!

Sneaky little fellow Elise. Tsk tsk.

After all those tiring walking around through Sim Lim, went to Billy Bombers for a drink. Like finally. Have heard a couple of times that their milkshakes are good but never the chance to try it. Been wanting to visit Billy's a long time ago but no one wanna accompany me.



POOR ME!



Anyway . . .

I had Cookie 'n' Cream milkshake while CS had Vanilla malt. We also ordered some Chunky cheezy fries!













Was supposed to meet Kerlyn and HW and bcos CS offended Kerlyn over the phone the other day, he had been terrified of seeing her. He kept thinking that she'll kill him. And thus he decided to take a picture for his funeral use should he really end up dead that day. LOL!



Ok. I've no idea why he took a shot of his shoe.


Well had a really nice day but had to rush back home cos I haven't pack my luggage yet.



And lastly, le presento my favourite:



Audrey Hepburn!




Saturday, June 24, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Retreat?


As seen from the previous post, I'm "supposed" to be in retreat.

But retreat my arse!

All ya have to do is to whine non-stop and act cute with me over the phone and I'll be too damn soft-hearted to turn you down.

Aww! Blame it on my retarded soft sense of determination and firmness. More like saggy-ness now!

AHH!

Can I scream?!

Oh by the way, I've been in hysterical mode recently. I keep laughing uncontrollably like a hyena for no reason. You will have definitely noticed it if you've been on the phone or out with me. Forgive me for my craziness. Must be the hormones!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!



Friday, June 23, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


MIA-ing


To all my beloved babies,

Dear all, I'll be going into a "retreat" for 1 or 2 weeks to clean up my act and stuff so I will not be meeting ya'll at all so just give up the act and even the thought of asking me out. But I'll still be msn-ing and sms-ing and stuff. Not complete time out babies. Just physically.

And yeah, I'll try to churn out my Taiwan trip posts during this period.

Hee.

Just be more understanding.

Love ya'll to bits!



Thursday, June 22, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Bits & Pieces


ME: I've already made up my mind so please don't comment so much.!

DAD: You are so fickle-minded.

ME: Bleah!



Anyway, go check out my artistic talent. Muahaha!

CLICK!



*feeling so high right now. as in happy high. not drug-dope high*



Wednesday, June 21, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Taiwan.


Hmm... Expect loads of photos!

Wahaha!

I think almost 400?

Anyway, everyone should know that I'm a TV addict. To think I can be one just based on the miserable 5 channels in Singapore (Ch 5, Ch 8, Ch U, Central, CNA).

I wonder how am I gonna live when I get back to Singapore.

Cos there's over 100 channels here in Taiwan!

Over 100!!!

Oh my goodness!

Haha. But didn't really watch that much TV when I'm here. Cos gotta keep going out and stuff. And I must say that Taiwan's pearl milk tea is the best!

Anyway, missing everyone so much. Feels kind of sad sometimes.

Oh well. Will be back soon. Friday!

Don't you guys just miss me?

*grinz*

P.S.: If you don't miss me, at least humour me and say you do. I'm warning you! *pouts*



Tuesday, June 20, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Enlightened.


You are 1 of the reasons why I decided to come to Taiwan. Cos I know I need to talk to you.
And this I did.

Now I finally see the light and I know what I'm supposed to do.

It doesn't matter that I'm going at a slower pace than others who started the road at the same point as me. Cos everyone has a different plan and path to go through and that, it is the end of the journey that counts.

And right now, I am only just starting my journey.

It doesn't matter that I'm giving up whatever is right in front of me now cos in life, one has got to give up certain things in order to achieve other higher goals. And now I know that the opportunity in front of me right this moment is not the road that will lead me to my higher goal.

I really appreciate the conversation we had today during our walk through Zhong Shan University. It cleared my mind and opened my eyes to many things.

And thank you for supporting my wish and encouraging me on it. Telling me that what I think is true and that it is worth the try. And that I should definitely do it.

I am grateful that I have someone like you in my life. I am so blessed. Not just because of you. But because of everyone else I have in my life right now.

And lastly, thank you for offering to help. You advices, opinions and sharing of your experiences are priceless.

You will never be able to read all these but still, thank you.

There will be a person in your life who will say something that will totally change your life.

That person came into my life the day I was born. But it is only after 19 years that I heard what I'm supposed to hear.



Saturday, June 10, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Singapore Idol frenzy


What the fuck is wrong with Singapore's broadcaster?

Why in the freaking world do they have to keep repeating Singapore Idol?!

I've missed 2 weeks of CSI due to their stupid repeats and now they're repeating it again.

So much for having a "variety" of shows.

Stop freaking repeat Singapore Idol so many times will ya?!

With the World Cup on now, I'm already suffering from lack-of-nice-tv-program-withdrawal-syndrome and now they have to torture me further by repeating Singapore Idol on a Saturday!

WHY?

TELL ME WHY?

*slowly quivering on the floor turning into dust*





Thursday, June 08, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Finally a Holiday!


It's been confirmed!

I'm off to Taiwan (Kao-Hsiung) this coming Tuesday morning!

Woohoo!

Finally a more decent holiday for me after slogging my guts out in Poly for 3 years.

FINALLY!

Haha.

And apparently, Kao-Hsiung's weather is somehow the same as sunny Singapore.

Damn! Thought I could experience extreme coldness or something like that. But no warm weather please!

Have yet to pack my bag. Don't even know what to bring!

Wahaha.

Anyway, it has been baby madness in the house recently cos Uncle CP & Aunt Elaine went off to Italy for sightseeing and left baby and maid here.

Lots of screaming, crying, baby blubbers, Hi-Five, Barney, diapers and everything!

Hmm... Why do I feel like a part time baby sitter?



Tuesday, June 06, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


New experience


Met up with Ndee yesterday for dinner and went to Ju Ju Hokkaido Hot Pot located in Paradiz Centre along Selegie Road.



It was our 1st time there, thanks to Ndee for making such an effort in searching!

From the outside of the restaurant, it looks plain and most probably you wouldn't give it a 2nd look. And because it is situated at such a location, you will most probably walk pass it without ever noticing.

But after setting foot into the restaurant, you will feel a wave of peace cos the minimalist Japanese interior decor sparks off a feel of zen. And the mini waterfall is just so soothing.

The dinner course is simple to choose from as all you have to decide is the:

The starter arrived shortly and because it is our virgin experience, the lady server taught us how to go about having the starter.

The starter came in a specially designed tray with 3 different portions. The most interesting part would be the egg. The egg is 70% done and firstly, you gotta place it onto the tray. Using the chopstick, you cut the egg into half and then pour the special sweet sauce onto it.

I must say that my favourite among the 3 is the egg!

Next up is the main. We ordered seafood and lamb, with clear and mala soup base. I had soba as my side while Ndee had glass noodle.

Oh! And I must certainly mention that the seafood came on a wooden boat! Isn't that cool?!

We sat at a table for 4 and Ndee commented on how far apart we are cos the table is quite wide. Later on we discovered the reason behind having such a wide table!

The concept for this hot pot is that each individual will get their own hot pot which kind of makes it a customized experience cos you don't have to share. Thus we ordered 2 different main and soup base. So that we get to try both!

Halfway through the dinner, the table started to get wet cos the ice on the boat started to melt. The lady server came and moved all the seafood from the boat onto a plate. And she joked about the boat sinking. Haha. Humourous people they have there!

And now to unveal the mystery behind the wide table. Simply put, because there is just so many things on the table, you have no choice but to have a wide table! But then again, we nearly ran outta place to put the things!

The plate and boat used to serve the main already took up 1/4 of the table each and not to mention our plates, the sauce dish, the condiment tray and the 4 hot pot holes!

We were happily having our meal when 2 small glasses of ice plum juice were served to us. It is to aid us in digestion so that we are able to continue the meal. How thoughtful! And the ice plum juice is really nice, though kindda sour. It's imported from Taiwan. Haha. I'm so gonna search for it when I'm there!

Towards the end of the dinner, we were almost bursting out and then the lady server mentioned our dessert. WOO! Gonna burst real soon!

I had pearl habour while Ndee had coffee ice cream. Both were great I must say!

Pearl habour is actually fruits and sago in mango cream. I'm a fanatic for mango and thus I can't help but to try it! There is a generous dose of sago (which is why it's named pearl habour, i guess?). The coffee ice cream had this crispy thing on top which is really nice and the coffee flavour is not too overwhelming, leaving a nice aftertaste.

Overall, I would rate this dinner and restaurant a full 5 stars!

The ambience is great; a quiet place to relax and have a great meal without the buzz of city life. And it isn't too crowded.

The experience is fun and interesting, especially for 1st-timer.

The food is value for money. You get a crab when you order the seafood main so what else can I say?

The service is fantastic! This is the very 1st time whereby I feel that the 10% service charge is totally worth it! The crew provides you with lots of information, help and constantly filling up the soup base and tea for you. You will feel like the King / Queen! And not to forget, they smile all the time!

Oh. And did I mention that they actually open the wet tissue packet for us cos our hands were dirty? Isn't this one of the best service crew or what?

And last but not least, when they return you your change and receipt, guess what?

It came in an envelope!

Surprise surprise!

We were honestly shocked. What an experience. Keychains were even given as gifts and we can use them for discounts on the days when they permit it.

Trust me. You guys gotta check that place out. And if you don't believe me, check out this review from Wine and Dine @ AsiaOne.

I'm sure to go back there a second time!




Monday, June 05, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Pink - Family Potrait


Uh, uh, some deep shit, uh, uh

Momma please stop cryin, I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn't mean those nasty things you said

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you'll see
I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave

Daddy please stop yellin, I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love you, too

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have no choice, no way
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a step-brother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
Let's play pretend act and like it comes so naturally
(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave)

Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Turn around please
Remember that the night you left you took my shining star?
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Don't leave us here alone

Mom will be nicer
I'll be so much better, I'll tell my brother
Oh, I won't spill the milk at dinner
I'll be so much better, I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever I'll go to sleep at night





Have always been listening to this song but it's only today that I listened to what the lyric is all about. And as I sang along with it, I felt such an overwhelming heartache and sadness.



La vie est Belle <>


Like a dream.


It seems almost too good to be true.

I've always been hoping for something like that, but now that it is here before me, it's almost like a dream.

I don't dare to embrace too much of it cos the higher the expectation, the greater the pain when you fall.

And I do not wish to destroy it. Cos it is perfectly fine the way it is now.

Why does it feels so fragile?



Sunday, June 04, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Madness is me!


Been such a long time ago that Daddy-O, 2 lame-ass bros and I went out for a meal together.

Had a great meal of BBQ stingray, salted prawns, chilli sotong and oyster sauced veg!
Oh! And did I mention my favourite Teh-peng?
Hoho!

And I taught my little bro the skill of eating prawns without getting his hands dirty!

Muahaha!

I'm such a master!

All thanks to Uncle KS who taught me!

Anyway, was really excited when Daddy-O mentioned that he might be getting a car soon. And that just gives me 1 more reason to pick up my lazy ass and go take up my long awaited driving course.

And when I get my license, that will give my Daddy-O 1 more reason to get his car!

Muahaha!

So evil of me.

And I told bro to go get his license quickly once he turns 18.

Hehehe.

Evil madness in the house!

Tried the OTO Electro-Reflexologist just now and ended up with a tingly feeling in my legs for a whole 30 minutes after I ended the session.

And to think the session is not even 10 minutes!

Ahh.

What a weakling I am.

Tsk tsk.

Hmm. Regarding the Taiwan trip, Uncle TS said that they're trying to figure out the return flight for me. Cos it seems like there's difficulty in getting 1 for me. They're planning to come back on the 24th and my graduation ceremony is on the 23rd.

Told him that it's ok for me to come back alone a few days earlier but he's so worried that I'll get lost and end up in India or something. Haha. Kind of funny but touched at the same time.

It's just a one way return flight and as long as I end up in Singapore, I don't think there'll be any problem. But then again, I'm feeling so scared! In case ya'll don't know, I'm scared of taking flight. Hee. What a wuss huh.?

And know what? I didn't realise that my Uncle TS is such a funky person. He actually told me to screw my graduation ceremony! Haha. What a shocking thing to hear from him.



Friday, June 02, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Speak thy Truth


Even if a murder is not physically done, by committing it mentally, it is still a crime.

By having or developing a thought or plan in mind, it is still considered as having taken the very 1st step.

The integrity of a person is not judged upon whether or not the thoughts/plans they have are being materialized or not.

Not every thoughts or plans are that easily materialized. There are many factors to consider and circumstances to overcome.

A person who says and does is one thing.
A person who says and never does is another thing.


Not everything can be comprehended or accomplished in an instant.

A seed needs time to grow into a sapling.
A sapling needs time to sprout and bloom.

You do not fully comprehend the whole situation and thus please save yourself the trouble and not jump to conclusion or set your judgments.

“It is needless to waste time in correcting the false reports unless circumstances compel you to necessitate a clarification. The enemy is gratified when he sees that you are hurt. That is what he actually expects. If you are indifferent, such misrepresentations will fall on deaf ears.”

I am standing out to correct you as I feel that you’ve tainted my integrity this time round with those untrue statements of your’s. Time and time again you’ve been playing the fool on stage, thinking you’re the king. And this has dulled my interest and thus, I am not hurt this time around.

I shared my aspirations, dreams and thoughts with you cos I think of you as a worthy confidant. But atlas, it seems I’ve cast the wrong judgment.

And so now I’ll say to you. . .

“O by his slight acquaintance and faint knowledge of myself, I am lightly criticized. But if I am known better, more serious and much greater would be the accusations against me.”
- Epictetus


In seeing the faults of others, we should behave like a blind person.

In hearing unjust criticism of others, we should behave like a deaf person.

In speaking ill of others, we should behave like a dumb person.



Thursday, June 01, 2006
La vie est Belle <>


Saying Goodbye.


I'm actually feeling emotional about leaving DBS.

I'm so gonna miss you guys.

Thanks JR for the fabulous lunch, Agnes for the cheese cake, Justine for everything she's taught me and everyone for being the fabulous people they are.

I'll be missing all of you!




All about
: elise :

Jack (or is it Jane?) of all trades,
(almost!)

but Master of none.
(trying to!)

This is my paradise, where I indulge my senses grandiloquently.

A collective effort to keep family & friends updated, and for random strangers to pop by.

I wanted to put a HUGE picture of myself in this space, but being the technologically challenged person that I am, I can't figure out the mojo of it.

So I guess I'll just have to make do with scattering loads of random self-shots all over the blog!

: xoxo :


Hugs & Kisses
: xoxo :




Previous
: blabbers :


Gallery of
: memoirs :


Ending
: credits :

Inspired by:

JUICE & Undying Love


Edited by:

Yours Truly... Elise Tan



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