:: eLise is me ::

Monday, March 03, 2008

La vie est Belle <>

Coeur de la Matière

It's been awhile.

I'm now writing at :

http://elistic.blogspot.com

Lots of love.

xoxo

Saturday, January 12, 2008

La vie est Belle <>

Young Folks

I have another writing space. Somewhere more private where I can keep my thoughts to myself. Need some space from this noisy world.

All the departures I have to deal with right now.
Only more to come.

Because this is the path I choose, I shall walk on in faith.

Maybe I'll let the world in when I'm ready.

But for now, a gentle goodbye.

Love, Elise.

xoxo

Friday, January 04, 2008

La vie est Belle <>

Sacred place

I'm not as strong as I wish to be, but there's always a solution and way out for everything.

Just taking it one step at a time.

Need a break from the world.

It's too noisy.

My smile is just a pretense that everything's all right.

So please just play along with me.

Don't ask if I'm all right.

I believe I am.

And I will be.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

La vie est Belle <>

Red

It's been some time since we last messaged each other. I hope you are fine and enjoyed your holidays. I just got back from a road trip to Malaysia with my friends. Enjoyed it, but it's really quite tiring!

So have you been missing me lately? Happy new year and merry xmas! Though it's late, but I still remember you. How were your parties? Must be great right?

I've been thinking of you at times. If I say I miss u constantly, you wouldn't believe me at all. So I'll be more subtle.

Well let me know about your life for the past week. Take care!

love,
John.

I don't even know how I feel towards this. Except that it's weird.

I'm too consumed by something else to care about other issues now. The start to 2008 hasn't been exactly good.

I'm bleeding in places where I shouldn't be, and it's getting me worried sick. Especially with my mind shrouded with copious negative thoughts and worst case scenarios. What if it's internal bleeding as I suspected? Or perhaps just a tore tissue?

Coupled with the fact that I haven't been sleeping and eating well for the past couple of months, I'm way over my head now.

The worrier is back.

I'm scared.

And it's not helping at all that the results I got from googling my condition are not reassuring at all. I'm on the verge of tears now.

Please let this be my paranoia on caffeine and nothing else.

Stupid girl. You'll be fine.

And I miss Dexter like crazy. That stupid monkey of mine.

Monday, December 31, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Thoughts of mine.

Trying as hard as can be to stop myself from ripping open the strawberry Porky (all time favourite at the moment).

I am hungry !

Only had a yoghurt, burger and chai tea frappe for the whole day.

>p

And FYI, I'm not on a diet or any crap behaviour of that nature. Have just been working crazy hours that I'm just too tired to eat. Even fell asleep at my desk just now!

Hur hur hur.

Am such a workaholic that I even dreamt of working!

ROARRRRR ~

Can't wait to go back home and have a grand old relaxing time with my loves. And speaking of which, I busted over 300 bucks on Boxing day sales! Oh my freaking gosh. But I've got all the prezzies for my loves, which is a load off my mind. But then again, there's the thing with luggage excess.

Oh my gosh...

Anyway, I'm missing that silly monster.

Boooooooooooo!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Bollocks to the rules!

Call me stupid, but I hold true to my work ethics.

As long as it's my responsibility, I'll complete it.

It doesn't always have to be about the money.

Cold hard cash?

I'll choose my self and conscience over it any time.

Call me stupid. I don't care.

And I really wanna say...

I'm sorry Pabs.

Friday, December 28, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Blossom

Rocking to The Beatles and embracing that flower child in me.

I'm all about colours and love right now.

Hippie chick being the element.

This is my Summer of Love!

Though I'm not in San Francisco, I'll still rock it my way in Aussie land ~

Thursday, December 27, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Beyond it all.

"Is your friend there?"

"Yeah."

"Get your friend on the phone."

"No."

"Get your friend on the phone."

"No."

"Get your friend on the phone."

"No. She doesn't know. And don't you dare tell anyone!"

"All right. But are you sure you're all right? It's worrying."

"I'm fine. I just want to talk to someone back home."

"Just ignore them. You don't even know them. You don't have to give a damn."

"I know.. Thanks. I'll be fine. Talking to you is good enough."

"Are you sure? Tell me what happened when you're feeling better all right?"

"All right. I'll talk to you again then. Thanks."

In times of need, I can find no one except him.

I take comfort and misery in knowing that.

Comfort that I have someone like him, and misery that I only have him.

That is precisely why I pretend to be a superwoman.

Because there's no one to catch me when I fall.

Monday, December 24, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Merry my foot.

Yet another festive holiday in the foreign land.

You have no idea how badly I wish to go home.

Basking in the warmth, love, joy and laughter of my family and friends.

Once again, I crave some changes. Major ones. But can I handle it? Sometimes, I'm not as grounded as I seem to be. Or wish to be.

Another new year to come. Another unspoken milestone. Another empty canvas. Another brand new slate.

Do I have any wishes?

Perhaps for the world to be quiet more often.

Why do we fight? Why do we kill? Why do we hurt someone else?

Is one person's life more worthy of another?

Does one has more rights to inflict harm to another?

There's no such thing as an idealistic world, but can't we work a little harder to make things a little better?

That abusive customer from last evening makes me wonder about the psychology of a bully. Coupled with the programme on the Serbs in Kosovo last night and the approaching holiday, Elise is not a very festive person right now.

Everything seems a little gloomy and hopeless.

Damn that hippie chick in me.

Regardless, have a Merry Christmas everyone. And a fabulous new year to come.

With lots of love.

xoxo

=)

Monday, December 17, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

On second thought.

I love The Sims because I get to control those beings.
The free-will function is always switched off.
I am in total control.
And I like that.

Therefore at this point in time, I'm not going to loosen my grip and lose control. It's gonna take more than that to disarm me. The defense and independence built up over the years are all I have to keep on trudging through the mud of life. Those times I've fallen and picked myself up. Those times I've lost faith and made it through on sheer determination.

I yearn for a superman to save me, but am I willing to strip off that superwoman armour I've donned on?

Not at this point.
I'm still not ready to be vulnerable.
Perhaps I'll never be ready.

I'm always in this defensive mode and although it wears me out, I'm conditioned to it. It's absence will be confusing and uncomfortable. Yet another comfort zone I've created. It took a lot to leap out from the prior one, and now it's gonna take as much as well.

I need more time.

"The problem is, are you able to let anyone in?"

She is right.

As much as I trust, I distrust.
The double-edged sword, my contradiction.

Total vulnerability of self has never occurred with anyone.
Maybe it never will.

Perhaps I'll never be ready.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

My Profile.

La vie est belle. Faites vos reves venir vrai !

My ultimate goal is to be a Dietician.

Currently NOT in Singapore.

If I don't reply your messages, it's either your messages are boring or you're a damn bad speller.

Snobbish?
I'm not.

I just don't give a fuck.

P.S. Don't bother asking for my MSN or giving me yours, because I don't add randoms to my list.

Snobbish? I guess u r just pretentious.. tts all.

Anyway by NOT being in SG doesn't give u e right to use e magic 4 here. u r just a snooty sweet potato. Oops. its not standard ENGLISH so i bet u can't understand.. hahah.
Spelling Queen.

Lastly but most importantly, before u become a dietician, maybe u would wana watch ur own diet first. Just a piece of kind advice.

Speaking in defense of yourself from someone like me who'll probably not respond to you because you can't get over the most conventional "Hi can we be friends?" messages? Do I ought to apologise for unintentionally ripping apart your wounded self esteem? I guess not. I've done nothing wrong, and you don't deserve any.

And there's absolutely no need in clarifying about whatever's written in my profile to you, someone who will never understand anything because they don't have morons messaging them all the time about wanting to meet up and leaving their cell phone numbers. How typical. I'll have to surrender to that sad fact don't I?

And so it's a sad fact as well that there are people out there who just prefer standard classic proper English to lingos, with no intention or what so ever to demean the linguistic culture of someone else's.

And obviously, if everyone shall heed your advice on whether or not they should watch their diet, I guess we'll all be anorexics. Typical twisted perception of yours, as dictated by the media on what is acceptable and what is not.

Just what is wrong with the world, with people like you who make unnecessary inferences on what others wrote, and in trying to dictate one's way of life? Do you think you're Hitler or Stalin? This is the 21st century dude. Not the bloody Soviet Union of the 1920s.

Ain't gonna stoop to your level and hand you any piece of "kind advice".

I guess I have to get used to this don't I?

And do you now know why I've changed to be a rude bitch to people?

It's only because they deserve it.

I really miss my loves who understand and know the real me, and my true intentions.

It hurts to fight alone.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Perhaps it's time.

To let go and be taken care of for once.

It's been a long time coming.

Loosen my grip without losing myself.

I'll learn to be loved.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

So what will it be?

The soul mate, the stability or the flutters?

Saturday, December 08, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Gone with the Wind

Lost all my pictures, music, assignments, files and documents due to a backup attempt gone wrong.

No more entries on Melbourne trip, Taiwan trip, 21st birthday bash, VicPark Christmas carnival and anything else.

No more pictures of my family, friends and myself.

No more of my favourite music.
Maroon 5, Snow Patrol, Pink, Christina Aguilera, John Mayer.

No more of my first ever media assignment done during my media stopover during TEP.

No more of those treasured conversations.

Mourning the lost of all those incredible memories.

All that's left is those that remain in my mind.

A brand new start.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Ouchie

Was still wondering why my left eye lid hurts and have been feeling nothing on it for the past 2 days.

Touched it again just now and felt a gash on it.

I slashed my eye lid without realising it!

What the hell?!

Stupidity and beyond.

Damn it.

Anyway, have been sleeping loads for the past one week. Sort of a compensation for myself.

Excuses, excuses.
Tsk tsk.

=p

Will get down to business with my backlogged entries starting next week.

Be patient my darlings!

=D

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Yet another.

A friend said he spotted me earlier this year and now a stranger said he spotted me twice, in Singapore.

When all along I'm in Australia, having not gone back at all since I left in November '06.

So now I'm officially a common face.

And I don't like that.

I much rather be delusional and hold the notion that I'm unique. Not just in personality.

Pfft.

Monday, November 12, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

6 in the morning.

Incessant noise of the fan in the background, with notes tossed all over the bed and table.

Morning light breaking, with the minutes ticking away.

6.15am.

Human biology paper just 3 hours away, with an internet tab labelled "ear".

Snoozed from 9pm to 1am, in fear of falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning.

Missed CSI: NY.

6 more hours before the sigh of relief.

4 more days before complete liberty.

2 more months before home sweet home.

Wondering about him.

Stupid porcupine head.

In the sweetest sense of course.

Silly grin on her face.

Time to go back to the "ear".

The real world.

Stupid warm weather.

Summer once again.

6.30am.

Friday, November 09, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Obviously

I'm going through a phase, being all emotional and a little nut in the mental department. Taken a liking to being all spaced out in the room and avoiding all human interaction as best as I can.

It is the same trigger again, but having survived it previously, I know I will pull through again. Just have to give myself a little more time and space.

There's so much anger in me and I have no where to displace them. Which results in me being a total rude ass bitch, lashing out at everyone who I perceive as being even slightly remotely deserving of such treatment.

I wish I could just push all the blame to you, but what good would that do for the situation? You say you'll let me be and support my decision, but at the same time unwittingly say you need me. That phrase is my kryptonite and has always been the one thing which I can never get over. It makes everything so much more complicated.

People has been telling me to look beyond that and do what my heart says is the right thing, but it is so darn hard to get over myself. How do I be that selfish and heartless, be blind and turn my back to you.

I can never do that.

Perhaps I'm concocting my own poison and submitting myself to this crazy internal torture. Perhaps I'm channeling my anger at you towards myself.

Whatever it is, I just have to get over it.

No matter how hard, because I'm a tough cookie.

I won't let you get to me. It's just temporary.

There might be a broken bisque doll inside, but she's a healer.

Friday, November 02, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Lately . . .

I've been ruining everything. That nonchalant complacence which shrouds, with no sense of urgency beholding, and no sense of regret overhanging any decisions.

Just a deep grounded sense of calmness. Perhaps with a tinge of nostalgia sneaking its way into the oasis once in a while.

The endless tossing and turning through consecutive nights, accompanied by some long forgotten memories.

If only it could be recalled.

That vivid dream of running through the hospital, frantically in search of the ward. The scene of looking at the injuries and conditions, the shattering of the heart. The forcefully held back tears, choking the entire being.

The intense replay of the first contact, the terror of losing something precious.

That crazy crazy dream which haunts the soul.
Replayed over and over and over.

A cold so deep it chills the bones.

Running, running.

Trying to hide, trying to escape.

That artificial oasis.

The diamond dew which greets the break of dawn.

Running, running.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Never perfect.

Jess babe once told me that it's better to be loved than to love.
That a girl is born to be pampered and cared for by the man.

So who do you choose?
The one you love, or the one who loves you.

Can love really be nurtured as time passes?

Why are you so silly as to keep waiting when there's already someone else, and you don't even mind?

And why are you always there when I fall?

Of all the "what-ifs".
I still can't get over my own defense.

Walk away from me and find your own happiness.

Stop saying I'm "the one".

Monday, October 29, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Head over heels

With Gunther von Hagens.

Even though the way he speaks is really annoying, but his beautiful mind is such a huge turn on. Not to mention that he's an Anatomist. The work he does is so interesting and profound, and literally "to die for".

Oh my gosh.
I'm totally gushing over him.

I'm gonna apologise for saying this, but I wanna jump him!
Sorry for my language people.

I seriously can't help it.
The brain is the sexiest thing to me, wayyy above fantastic beach abs.

Not only is he an intelligent individual, but also a non-conformist!
The two greatest characteristics bound into one.

I think I'm gonna leave it here and go hyperventilate.

*lalalalalalalalalala*

Saturday, October 27, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Ça ne fait rien

It's not about having physical possession of him, or being on his mind and in his thoughts, or having his time. It's not about pining for him, or feeling bitter because you can't have him.

It's about him holding a special place in your heart, and of those little things which doesn't have romance written all over it.

It's about how the thought of him gives you a warm tingling feeling inside, and the smile he puts on your face when he says hi.

It's about the sense of security arising from his reassurances, the empowerment when he says he believes in you, and that gounded feeling knowing he is there.

Sometimes life gets so crazy and the only thing keeping you sane is him.

Sometimes people pile on so much problems on you, and the only thing keeping the cookie from crumbling is him.

It is these insignificant moments which light up the gloomy days, wipe away the tears, motivate you to fight on, and make you want to be a better person.

So at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter whether we have the courage to cross that line, or of the impending regret from not doing anything about it.

Because the future cannot be told and the past cannot be undone.

Let's just be glad that it happened, that the special place in your heart is filled.

Even if it's just the mere thought of him.

Friday, October 26, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Let's PARTY!

Had graduation dinner last night and am officially an alumni of Canning College Class of 2007!

Woot!

Take that people!

But damn, the finals are coming up.

%*(#*^(&#(*^@(*)^

ANYWAY, had so much fun that I'm feeling downright sick in the stomach now.

I suppose all the laughing-so-hard-till-I-fall-to-the-ground and silly antics of mine are making me want to hurl now.

Too much fun is not necessarily always the best thing.

Oh my gosh.

Sick to the stomach.

Want to hurl.

*green face*

Excuse me while I go lie on the bed and hug my baby in an attempt to feel better.

Photos galore from the dinner, but mostly of myself!

Muahahaha.

Shut up.

Don't want to write anymore.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Heart's desire.

Give me a chance.

That's all I ask for.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

D'oh !

Lips are infected.
Again.

Gonna swell into Angelina Jolie proportion.
Not sexy.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

One of those days

Maybe I don't want anymore, maybe I don't care anymore.

The starvation from familiarity is sapping all the energy out of me.

Maybe it's time to head back to my comfort zone.

It is almost a year and yet I still feel this way.

Some days, the absence of everyone and everything hurts so much that I huddle up in a bunch, crying alone in the corner.

There is so many things which I miss.

Especially the people.

The people who show their silly sides, the people who enjoys some crazy fun.

Those unpretentious and unconditional love from them.

Always there without any motive, always there because they care.

A place I call my home, with people I call my loves.

I just want to go home, because some times it hurts so much.

Growing up is tough and no doubt, I have grown so much.

But some days, I just want to be that little girl brimming with smiles over the kitty pen her Dad bought for her.

Some days, I just want to be that birthday girl so filled with love by a surprise candle on her piece of Golden Rush at NYDC.

Some days, I just want to be that big sister bloviating to her brother who pretends not to listen but actually is.

Some days, I just want to be that friend having dinner with her bestie at Crystal Jade.

Some days, I just want to be that blushing girl on a date with her crush.

Some days, I just want to be all that I used to be.

Today, is one of those days.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Pissed

One person's irresponsibility can drag the ENTIRE team down.

Inefficiency and ineffectiveness cause blemished services to customers, leaving bad experiences.

Word of mouth is a very powerful tool.

Don't work if you have such LOUSY work ethics.

Casual work is still work. And you are PAID for it.

If you want a listening ear or even advice, be grateful that people take time out to be patient and hear you bloviate.

Don't snuff people's advices just because you've heard it before from others, or that it's not what you WANT to hear.

If you want someone to agree with you, talk to YOURSELF.

And DON'T infer.

Don't drone on INCESSANTLY on how people is responsible for your failure.

You are responsible for your own actions.

Don't try to VICTIMISE yourself by sending others on a guilt trip.

I admit that I lack a sensitivity chip once in a while. But if you can't handle straight truth from me, then piss off.

I'm not here to tell you sugar-coated words to stroke your bloody egos.

I rather knock some sense than string you like a kite.

Take it or leave it.

I'm NOT obliged to be your Aunt Agony or ego masturbator.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Lily Allen - Littlest Things

Sometimes I find myself sitting back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissing
And I remember when you started calling me your missus
All the play fighting, all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I don't why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but it's so true
I know it's not right, but it seems unfair
That things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Drinking tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
The first time that you introduced me to your friends
And you could tell that I was nervous, so you held my hand
When I was feeling down, you made that face you do
There's no one in the world who could replace you

[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of me and you
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you feel the same way too

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Physics under the Sun

I only just realised that I'm back to my original skin tone.

My tan line from Summer is gone.

The good thing of having a backyard.

Who says you can only sun tan by the beach or the pool?

And not to mention privacy from invading eyes.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

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