:: eLise is me ::: May 2006

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

A hodgepodge entry

I tendered my notice of resignation on Monday and my last day of work is this Friday.

I should be feeling happy and relieved that a workless future is approaching soon but yet that’s not how I feel.

I guess that’s because of everything that’s happening around me.

Hmm… Not really everything. It’s just 1 thing.

.
.
.

Death.

.
.
.

Firstly it happened to one of my sistas and she’s quite affected by it. She somehow went into a retreat to ponder over things and to get over it.

Then recently another friend of mine went through the same thing. But I believe he’s strong enough. He will be fine.

I guess it kindda affected me a little. Brought back not-so-pleasant memories.

I experienced the death of a relative once and the thing that got to me is that life is really that short and you never know when your turn is. I see my gramp so badly affected by it then and it pains my heart to see her so sad. I guess I was also quite affected by it during that period, cos I was so obsessed with death and yet so terrified of it.

I once had a dream of my Dad passing away. In that dream, I was at his funeral. I remembered clearly that I had to watch his body sail away in a raft adorned with flowers, into the sea. In the dream, I was crying. And when I woke up, I was crying.

That dream was so real that I actually cried out for real while sleeping. And that terrified me. The thought of him never returning.

I looked up on dream interpretation and came across this:
When dreaming the death of a certain someone, it means that you have neglected them.

That is so true. I have neglected him at that point.

Yesterday Uncle TS gave me this book to read and I came across these sentences:

“Very often we are separated from our near and dear ones. Such separation caused great pain of mind. We should understand that all association must end with separation.”

“As fruits fall from a tree – tender, ripe or old – even so we die in our infancy, prime or old age.”

“The sun rises in the East only to set in the West.”

“Flowers bloom in the morning to fade in the evening.”

When a mother was questioned why she did not weep over the tragic death of her only son, she replied. “Uninvited he came. Uninformed he went. As he came so he went. Why should we weep? What avails weeping?”

I know there is no way that you guys can treat it as though it has never happened. But at least I hope and wish that you guys will feel better as time passes.

There are those
who do not realize
that one day we all must die.
But those who do realize this
settle their quarrels.

It’s high time I quit the cold war between me and my gramp. She must be feeling so terrible now. I too feel terrible inside but just for the sake of my pride, I refused to talk to her.

I’m such a fucking terrible person. I hate myself.

I’m so sorry gramp.
I really am.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Come to mama!

I do wish and hope like crazy that there is still air ticket available!

My gramps, Aunt Joyce and Uncle TS are going to Taiwan on the 13th and it’s only just now that I expressed my intention of going.

Why so last minute?

Cos I just realised that I’ve tendered my resignation and that means no more work or whatsoever and I’ve been yearning for a holiday!

Please please please.

My passport hasn’t expired and my Daddy has agreed to let me go.

So please SIA. Give me a ticket.

Pretty please! Pretty please!

*praying frantically*

I’m now trying to send out vibes to people who intend to go to Taiwan. Do not go. Please do not go!

Muahaha! Evil is me and so is crazy.

All I ever wanted is a 2 weeks holiday…

*doe-eyed look*

Sunday, May 28, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Nice one.

Sex on the Beach is nice.

.
.
.

I mean the drink.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Drunk

This is SO embarrassing. Yesterday was my 1st time ever being drunk and from what I heard, I acted like a total moron.

And know what? I had my very 1st pole dancing experience. It's actually kindda fun.

Anyway, as of yesterday, all I could remember was feeling totally dizzy and accompanied all the way by an if-i-walk-some-more-i-will-puke-but-the-puke-doesn’t-come-out feeling. Even up till now I feel like puking but the point is there is nothing to puke.

I haven eaten all day cos I just lost my appetite.

And now I’m feeling all achy and out of nowhere I got a big bruise on my knee.

So this is how it feels like to be drunk and what a hangover is all about.

I swear I’ll never get drunk again.

No fun at all.

Anyway, thanks babe for being by my side constantly to take care of me. Much appreciated. Really.

And thanks Gabriel for carrying and piggy-backing me.

Gosh. This is just SO embarrassing!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

DVD Fanatic

I really spent my whole weekend watching all my DVDs.

Started watching on Friday night till 3 am.

Woke up at 1pm on Saturday and watched till 4am.

Woke up at 2pm on Sunday and watched till night.

It took me 2 days to finish 20 DVDs of Lovers in Paris. And I wonder how much tears have I shed.

Damn it.!

Korean drama is just so nice.

Next on my list will be Stairway to Heaven and 18 year old Bride!

Friday, May 19, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Time to kick back and relax

Met up with Kerlyn today at JP for a nice dinner at Crystal Jade Kitchen. The roasted duck was yummy, the seafood porridge was smooth, the noodle was delicious and the red bean dessert was fantastic.

Yum yum!

I think I haven met up with her for like more than a month?

We’re both busy with work and other activities. I’m sorry woman. Will make out more time for ya! Hee.

Oh and I must mention this! She’s finally gotten her braces and I’m so jealous! Grr! When can I get mine?!

Anyway, both of us rented a couple of DVDs for $3 per title as the shop is having this “5 for $15” special. And I finally got my Lovers in Paris! Woohoo! Whoopee! Celebration people! Celebrate!

Haha.

Been asking all over for it and finally able to find a place where I can rent it! And on top of that I also rented Deuce Bigalow, Amityville Horror and The 40 Year Old Virgin.

I can foresee my next 2 days to be couch potato-ey weekends with just-out-of-bed hair and laughing/crying/frowning expressions.

Mini movie marathon here I come!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Survivor

There are just so many reality shows which I like such as: Extreme Makeover (both human and home editions), Amazing Race, Simple Life, Swan, Project Runway, American’s Next Top Model, So You Think You Can Dance and yada yada.

The list just goes on and on! (pretty obvious by now that I’m a TV junkie aka couch potato)

Yesterday saw the conclusion of one of my all time favourite reality show:
Survivor – Panama.

A 3 hour special and I watched every single minute of it!

Totally awesome!

I must say that Terry is such a strong man both mentally and physically. Being the sole surviving member of his formal tribe (2 tribes merged as 1), the only way to save his ass is to win the immunity challenges. And that he did! Having won the immunity challenges 5/6 times in a row, he totally created a record in Survivor. Wonder if anyone is able to beat that.

I actually kind of disliked him initially, but looking back now I realized that he really deserves to win the million bucks.

But oh well.

With Aras being the winner, it isn’t that bad either. Cos he’s SO CUTE!

LOL!

But seriously, Aras does deserve to win. He tried his very best in every single individual and immunity challenges. Topping it off, he has a really nice character and treats everyone well. And the fact that he’s a yoga master adds on points. (i’m being totally biased here but who cares)

As for the 1st runner up Danielle, I don’t even think that she should be in the final 2. She hasn’t won any immunity challenge except for the final 1, which totally saved her ass from being eliminated and thus bringing her automatically to the final 2. And she is the one who holds the power to decide whether Aras or Terry joins her in the final 2. In the end she chooses Aras cos Terry is such a hot favourite that almost all members of the jury will vote him as the winner.

But oh well, it is all about Outlast, Outwit and Outplay.

Woo…

Can’t wait for the next season of Survivor!

Love it!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Blessed with so many lucky stars.

Thanks GF!

I'm still able to hang on so it's ok. Thanks for your offer to help though. It means loads.

I'll heed your advice and call them up. If they give me bullshit, I'll definitely screw them!

Really thanks loads GF. You're the best. Love ya loads. (don't fall for me though. i'm straight. haha.)

Oh man! I have SO many lucky stars!

And CS, you're one of them!

P.S. I think I'm in need of a holiday too GF. Most prob I'll do just that. And like what you suggest, I might just be getting a new job too. But I'll see how it goes. Keep you updated!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Truth be told.

I realised that I'm beginning to be more and more like other bloggers.

I'm starting to hesitate about what to write and what not to.

But in the 1st place, isn't my purpose of starting a blog to post and flood it with all my thoughts and emotions?

If people like, they can come and read it. If not, they can just move on and continue with their life.

Blogging is a channel for me to share my life's whats and whats-not with my friends and family. Yes, my family members read my blog.

I don't get to see them often and so the same for them. Having a blog is to act as another form of communicating channel for us.

Forget it. Bollocks to all those stupid blog politics or whatever so!

This is my blog, my life, my channel, my style.

I like to be honest and tell the truth so why should I be afraid?

It's not like I'm gonna be running for Mayor in future and by being honest, I'm opening myself up to others to dig up whatever dirts I have.

Poof!

Grow up people.

Here's a shout-out to Ariel! Hasn't seen you for quite awhile. Well, all the best for your IPP and take care alrighty. You look so tired. Stay gorgeous and bubbly always!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Fuck Kelly!

I had to bloody stop my Rebirth programme cos I'm such a broke nut that I couldn't afford to buy a 100 bucks juicer to continue the 2nd phrase of my programme!

So now I'm bloody back to gorging down junk food into my stomach and contributing more toxins to my cells!!!

So much for been determined in my 1st week!

All thanks to the bloody fuck up oh-so-fucking-efficient Kelly Services!

I'm supposed to be getting my darn ass pay weekly but damn it! My very 1st freaking pay was late for 2 weeks and know what? The cheque was dated 16th and I only received it on the 26th!

WAO! BRAVO!

SO EFFICIENT!

Seriously, so much for efficiency man. I'm been taught in school to be efficient, be fast, be yadah yadah. But look at the world out there. Kelly Services is like some big shot so why is this happening?!

Oh, if you think I'm over-reacting, let you in on 1 good news.

I HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY 2ND PAY!

And that is why I'm so fucking pissed. And of all things, I had to postpone my Rebirth programme!

Everyone else has received theirs but only me.

DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST ME YOU FUCKING SHIT?!

Oh. Why don't you tell me I'm getting my pay every 2 weeks instead?!

FUCKTARDS!

And being the stubborn head-strong me, I cling on tight to my promise of not asking my Daddy for doughs. Cos I'm working now and so I should not do that!

And so now, I rather be fucking broke and goes to work everyday with NO money, than to ask my Daddy-O for help.

So there you go.

A fucking pissed off Elise who is hungry and broke.

FUCK YOU KELLY SERVICES!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Wake up to reality already.

I've always loved her more than she loves me. It's obvious. It's always been this way. Every time, I have to be the one to swallow my pride and give in to her.

But this time round, I rather choose my pride over her.

It's a 2-way traffic lane baby. But you ain willing to give enough.

Yes you gave. But it's no longer enough.

I'm like a car always given limited fuel to race through desert roads.

Its tiring, tough, exhausting and I'm burning out here.

It's over baby. It's over.

I'll be learning to let you go slowly and stop thinking of you day in and out.

Gotta stop my foolishness and move on.

There are greener pastures out there.

I can no longer find the strength to love you no more.

My heart is aching so much right now but I could cry no more.

Friday, May 05, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Nuts.

Me: Are you coming back today or some other day?

Him: Tuesday baby. Do you need any duty free stuff?

What I wanna say: Nah. Don't need anything. I only want you to be back safely.

Me: Nah. Don't need anything but thanks anyway. You have a great weekend and take care.

He's only coming back this Tuesday.

And today is a Friday.

Only been gone for 6 days and I'm starting to miss him already.

I must be nuts.

I do not like him.

I seriously don't.

Honest.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

I love him. I really do.

He is willing to give.

So why am I not willing to take?

This is something which not everyone has the luck to come across, or the opportunity to have. I cannot say I'm born with it. But at least, I have the luck to cross path with it.

I know there is a chance that I might regret in future if I choose to give it up but then again, there might not be.

I am torn up inside. Slowly killing myself with all the worries and indecisiveness. All those options I have.

Why can't I be left with no choice, no options, no grounds to choose from?

That will be so much easier for me.

I love him so much and that is why I can't bear to give it up. I will never get pass myself for letting him down this way.

But what about myself? Am I really so tough as to be so selfish?

Why is it that sometimes, the love for someone can be so tiring and such a tie down.

Sometimes, I do wish that I'm a heartless bitch.