:: eLise is me ::: February 2006

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Bluetooth thingy.

Will be uploading all my photos for the exam period and stuff when I get the bluetooth thingy for my laptop.

Will be soon I guess. Provided I move my lazy ass to go get it that is.

Hee.

Monday, February 27, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Updates!

Alright.
I'm giving ya'll the chance to shoot me. Cos I haven't been updating.
Yes yes yes.
All my fault.
Every single piece of shit, be it big or small, is all my fault.
I fucking hate this world alright.

Oh well, back on track.

Exam's finally over and I'm confident that I will no longer have to stay in that irritating school anymore. Cos I don't really like it that much (sucky teachs, horrible layout, ugly color scheme, bad food, stupid people etc).

And I have to mention this. LI study scope was redundant. 3/4 of the content didn't come out. To think I was still confident that I'll score well. Flipped the 1st page and BAM! I didn't know how to do the 1st question. Hah. What a morale booster.

Anyway, why am I ranting in such a cranky manner? You feel like slapping me right? I know. I'm ranting in such a way like the whole world owes me something. But oh well. Like I said. I'm ranting, you idiot!

Holy macaroni. My mood swings are back. Damn it. All gone during exam period and now back again. Perhaps cos I was real occupied with studying and that's why I stopped having them. Or maybe cos I was in a different environment.

Ok. 1 of the reason why I didn't update is cos I'm at my mum's and the computer is terrible.

Why am I at my mum's?

Because I'm a spoiled brat. Came home last last thursday and everyone started yakking at me and blah blah blah. Yelled back at them and started tearing like a moron and out came the luggage, all my clothes and books all thrown inside. And the next morning, gone. Didn't tell anyone where I was going.

I'm always doing things like that.

Anyway, there's no way I'm gonna be able to study effectively in a lousy home like that. I'm like 20? And where is my own room? NOTHING! Miserable!
And how do you expect me to study when a drunkard comes home every night and started speaking so loudly and stuff?!
And with a brother who doesn't know the meaning of "being considerate".? There's a high probability that he doesn't even know how to spell it!

There's no way to study effectively and bloody pass my exam!
That's just not my study style!

And there ya'll go yakking and talking and fucking piss me!

And now that I'm back, I'm hating this place through and through. It's a lousy and terrible home. HOME! I didn't even use the word "house"!

I'm so gonna get a job real soon, earn the doughs for furnitures and then move out! Happy?! Most prob you frigging morons will be celebrating!

I hate it. I fulfilled my obligations, responsibilities and duties. But did you? NO!

You people are the reason why I have to "grow up" prematurely when I'm only 13!

Most prob when I have my own family, I wouldn't be letting my kids interact with you people cos they might turn out to be unfeeling, naggy and drunk!
My oh my. I'm so surprised that I haven't become one! HAH!

I HATE YA'LL!

To people who's constantly judging and comparing me to others, i curse you. I curse you with a horrible death. And may it come soon.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Valentine's Day.

I officially declare war with ILPs!

Bloody fooker.

Freaking complicated. And its gonna be a case study! Which means there's gonna be calculations! ARGH! ROAR!

Stupid.

I prefer Traditional Policies so much more compared to ILPs.

Lame-ass.

*POOF*

Anyway, nice day today. After a long & hard battle with ILPs, went out to dinner with him. Hmm. Had a great chat and as usual, walked around alot. And hey! Stop paying for everything! I'm gonna be real angry soon k! I know it's a guy thing to pay for everything and their ego and such. But please. I don't really like that. I love going dutch. I'm a dutch!

Muahaha.

Anyway, thanks for today. It was nice.

And stupid Brody. Adding oil to fire. Polluting my mind. Poisoning me with the evil hypothesis. Stupid monkey.

*BAH*

Oh. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Monday, February 13, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

CPF.

Got a shock when Daddy handed me my CPF letter. It's the DPF thingy.

And here comes the funny part.

I've no idea I got so much money in my CPF.

It's like, how many jobs had I had before?

Not much.

And to think I thought my CPF is gonna deplete real soon with them deducting the DPF thingy. (though it's only a small amount)

Hur hur.

Nevermind. Gonna go work soon and then I can further add on to my CFP.

Oh by the way, my brain is so filled with Insurance right now. I think I can go be an agent now. Haha. Starting to love Insurance. But I'll never work in that industry. Cos it's one thing to study and learn about it, and another to go do it. I ONLY love the learning part.

Anyway, I think I've more or less made up my mind to work 9 to 5 after exam. Cos life at home is boring. Monday to Friday, work work work. Then Saturday and Sunday, for myself and dating. Haha. Seems like a good plan.

Hmm. Shared my thoughts with dearie Kerlyn yesterday. And thanks for being so concerned, but I'm fine. Just sharing my immediate inner most thoughts with you. Hee.
Hey, catch up real soon k.? We're both busy and with the exams coming up and such. Well, good luck for your exam k! Must get super good grades and achieve your dream! Love ya babe!
*muackz*

Saturday, February 11, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Entrepreneurship Day.

The dreaded day finally came.

~ ENTREPRENEURSHIP DAY ~

Hmm.. Was really nervous before the presentation and kept walking around. And I do mean really nervous. I didn't manage to prepare my speech as I overslept and was so worried that I'll screw up big time.

And so the time came for us to go in and face the judges. Argh.

Mistake 1:
Started my presentation without introducing the speakers and my slide was still at the starting slide.

Mistake 2:
Forgot to introduce the product that we'll selling.

Mistake 3:
Kept pronouncing the words wrongly.

Boo! How nervous can I get?

But anyway, I was really surprised by my presentation today. I was good. Serious. Never ever presented in such a way before. No cue cards, no preparation. Just go in and talk. Wao.

The judges suddenly asked me a question while I'm presenting. Caught me off guard. But I managed to handle it.

Overall, the happiest thing was that 1 of the judges said that we had the best presentation he had seen so far (the other 2 was nodding away at that), and that he can just give us full marks on presentation right away.

Hee! I'm so happy! Thank you!

The Q&A session went well too. Able to answer all their questions. And the judges gave us some really good pointers and suggestions. Thank you once again!

Haha. So happy. At least all the hours of sleep sacrificed are well paid off in the end. Hopefully we can get a good overall grade. Please please please...

And yeah! To all my Entrepreneurship group members, thank you all! The project was a success! And thanks to you guys!

Farhana:
Thank you for the hours you sacrificed from your work to stay in school and slog things out with me. Thank you for the financial figures. And sorry for that quarrel we had over the project. Hee. You are the best!

Xiu Zhen:
Thank you so much for your effort in the company website. It was great! And thanks for all your research done and information provided. You've been a great help!

Yana:
Thank you so much for the great presentation today. And thank you for the E-AES wesite done. It was good. And also for coming up with the posters and brochure.

Madeline:
Thank you so much for all your ideas. Thank you for the E-AES website, posters and brochure. Thank you!

Great job well done girls!

THANK YOU!

P.S. Xiu Zhen, Yana & Madeline, good luck to you girls for your last presentation next week and for your coming exams!

Friday, February 10, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Nokia 7370.

Finally bought a new cellphone today. Gonna go strike it out of my wishlist.

Goodbye to my Samsung X430. It was really pretty. But oh well, it just gotta go. It was irritating the shit outta me. Keypad is not working as good as before.

So here's my new accessory:

Nokia 7370.

The design is quite interesting. Something new for a cellphone. The 1 thing I dislike is the back part. It's leather, but looks like dino skin. Don't like dino.

And it has a 1.3 mega-pixel camera. I have a vision that I'll be taking loads of photos.

Well, busted my pocket money on this cellphone. Take it as a reward to myself for the hard work I've done for the past 3 years and for managing to pass through my 3 years of Poly life.

I love myself so much.

And now I have to go hungry.

Or maybe not.

*evil smile*

Thursday, February 09, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Last day of school in NYP.

Last day of official classes. After 3 long years.

Mixed emotions.

Where do I head now?

Anyway, nearly punched this fellow on the bus today. He was carrying this really big bag and swinging around, hitting me time and time again. Moron.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Extreme emotions.

I'm experiencing extreme emotions.

Mostly negative ones.

Anger, Cranky, Sad, Empty.

I'm trying so hard to control them. Sometimes, I feel like lashing it all out. But there's self-control.

But my self-control is wearing thin.

Help.

I dreamt of him on the day of consultation.

Does it means he's the actual root of my problem?

But I thought it's over. So long ago.

Or is it not.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Depression.

Sorry guys...

I've been acting all weird recently...

I'm really sorry...

And thanks for being so understanding...

But please don't be so nice to me. Why aren't you guys even angry with me? At least I'll feel so much better. I'm guilty. I'm hopeless. I'm the biggest mistake ever done.

I don't deserve your understanding, your support and your concern. I should be left to fight this demon myself. I don't wanna trouble you guys.

"Sometimes, human needs support. Be it from family and friends, teachers and mentors, or spiritually. It isn't a sign of weakness. Sometimes, life is just too overwhelming for us to handle alone. We need support. Don't think of it as troubling them. Cos you might never know when they might need your support, and you might be depriving them of their chance to be there for you."
She said.

Please...

Let me win this battle.

Monday, February 06, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

How do you exactly define friend?

I'm feeling extremely empty.

People never remember your good. They only remember your bad.

Even if you've been doing 99 good deeds and just 1 bad deed, you're remembered for that 1 bad deed.

Pathetic isn't it?

Not even watching Desperate Housewives can cheer me up.

I feel like giving up. Completely.

Nobody knows what I've gone through all these years. My fears, my worries, my problems, my illness.

Nobody knows. Not even my best friend. Not even my parents.

It seems like I can reveal alot about myself to others, but there are still some things which I keep locked away in myself. Things which I will never tell others. And because they do not know these truths, they judge me. And those judgements are always wrong.

Even if you see me 5 days a week or have dinner with me everyday, you will still not know fully about me. Cos you ain by my side 24 hours a day to understand and see for yourself.

I'm sick of it. I'm tired. My struggle for these past few years. Are they going to waste? Am I gonna fail after suppressing myself for the past few years?

I need help. I know I do. I need professional help and advice. At least I admit I've got a problem which I need to rectify.

My parents ain that educated and knows nothing about such thing. Their knowledge is only of those held by common folks. Untrue and generalizing "facts".

Even those with the highest education does not have the right knowledge of it.

I feel like giving up. It's tiring. It's difficult. It's tough to have to struggle to keep myself well and alive. It ain easy feat. Now I'm only 20. And I still have a long road infront of me.

Should I continue fighting? Or should I simply give it up?

I've always tried my very best to appear happy and cheerful cos I don't want other people to suspect that something is wrong. I don't want concern and especially not pity. This is my life, this is my problem, this is my fight.
I'm a lone fighter in this vast unfeeling world.

Felt so terrible today and I so wanted to message him. But then I realised that I don't have my cell and that I didn't memorize his number. So cut off from other people. No way of communicating with others.

"Forget it Elise. Forget it." That's what Amy always told me. She's the only one who knows every single detail. She's the one by my side when things go wrong. She's the one by my side when good things happen to me. She's the only one whom I can trust 100% without fear that she will betray me. She has proved her worth.

Unlike people who just hang the word "trust" by their mouth constantly and expects others to honour it, when he/she has actually betrayed the trust others have in him/her. And these people just get out of it by giving some freaking lame ass excuses. You've proved how much you're really worth to me. So don't bother trying again. Cos it ain gonna change.

This time round, I'm leaving it all to Fate. If I manage to pull through, I'll be really glad and treasure all that I have. But if I don't, then that's just it. It'll be the end of me.

Whatever will be. Will be.

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, "What will I be?
Will I be pretty, will I be rich?"
Here's what she said to me

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera Sera

Since I am just a girl in school
I asked my teacher, "What should I try?
Should I paint pictures, should I sing songs?"
This was her wise reply

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera Sera

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart, "What lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows day after day?"
Here's what my sweetheart said

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera Sera

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, "What will I be?
Will I be pretty, will I be rich?"
I tell them, "wait and see"

Sunday, February 05, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Halo Bar.

Met Wee Kian for movie yesterday. Was supposed to watch "Memoirs of a Geisha" but the only time slot left is at 11pm. We were at the cinema at 3pm. So whar are we to do till 11pm? Wanted to catch "I Not Stupid 2" but what's left is after 7pm. Hmm. Ended up watching "Fearless". A good show. Touching too.

After the movie we had dinner at Cartel. Haha. Thought I saw someone I knew and indeed it was. Messaged Jess and her replies were so funny. Haha.

Bought a jacket for Brody and went to pass it to him. I'm at Plaza Singapura while he's at Hereen. The trip to Hereen was tough! It was Chingay and there's so many people. Argh.

Well, headed to Halo Bar after that. Gave the guys a big surprise!

They are really fun to be with and totally crazy! Singing loudly, screaming around and trying to drown each other by forcing pure vodka down the throat! Haha. I think one of them ended up being drunk. Lol. And to think they were all acting gayish! Haha.

Hilarious man!

Hey guys, do catch up some other time k. Its fun. And thanks for the ride home. You guys are the best!

Hmm.. Gonna go meet Wee Kian again for movie. Haha. Memoirs of a Geisha, here I come!