:: eLise is me ::: Breathe

Thursday, January 25, 2007

La vie est Belle <>

Breathe

You're supposed to be someone I can rely on.
But instead, I'm left to fend for myself most of the time.

You're constantly making promises which you can never fulfill, and then leaving me to break the hard fall myself every single time.

You made me believe in you, but only to end up in disappointment times and times again.

Even though you've never said anything, but I can see from your eyes that you take pride in how well I've done, and for who I've come to be.

But you will never know how much it hurts, to pretend to be strong, when I'm actually crumbling inside.
To pretend to be tough, when I'm mashmallow soft inside.
To pretend that I don't care, when I do so much that it hurts.
To pretend to be all grown up, when there's still a little girl in me.
To pretend that I'm responsible, when I just want to run away.
To pretend that I don't need help, when I need someone to hold the fort for me.
To pretend that I'm an adult, when I just want to be hugged.

I hate you for all that you've done to me. But I love you just as much.

Just when I thought I could finally put down that burden, it crept up on me again.

I try to deal with it the healthy way, but sometimes I just wish I could give up on myself, and drown myself in vices. But why am I so sensible?

Maybe I should just throw everything out of the window, and mess myself up.
Maybe I should just drown myself, literally.

Where is all the protection and security I should be getting from you?

Giving me all the freedom in the world is not the solution.
Giving me everything I want is not gonna solve anything.
Giving me the silent treatment of love is not what I need.

I need you to be there.
I need you to show your love.
I need you.

It's just that simple.

But why don't you get it?

I'm not suicidal, and nor am I depressed. So don't go tagging or commenting that I should pull myself together, or to talk to you about it, or that I'm not alone.

You can never understand until you stand in my shoe. And it's exactly the same for me, should the situation be reversed.

And don't you dare pity me one bit, cos I seriously don't need that. Take it to someone else.

Now I'm stepping back into my disguise again.

All about

: elise :

Jack (or is it Jane?) of all trades,
(almost!)

but Master of none.
(trying to!)

This is my paradise, where I indulge my senses grandiloquently.

A collective effort to keep family & friends updated, and for random strangers to pop by.

I wanted to put a HUGE picture of myself in this space, but being the technologically challenged person that I am, I can't figure out the mojo of it.

So I guess I'll just have to make do with scattering loads of random self-shots all over the blog!

: xoxo :

Hugs & Kisses

: xoxo :

: blabbers :

Gallery of

: memoirs :

Ending

: credits :

Inspired by:

JUICE & Undying Love

Edited by:

Yours Truly... Elise Tan