:: eLise is me ::: Everything's gonna be alright.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

Everything's gonna be alright.

"You have to learn to open up and not keep everything to yourself. Talk to somebody. Writing a blog is good too. Just remember, try not to handle and shoulder everything by yourself. I don't want you to go down the depression path again. Promise me to talk to someone if you have problems alright?"

It isn't my desire to not talk to others about what's bothering me.
It isn't my desire to say "I'm ok" when I'm not.
It isn't my desire to cry alone in the dark.
It isn't my desire to be a strong girl.
It isn't my desire to be invincible.

I have to be strong because I have to.
I have to be strong because I need to.

I am proud of who I've become today, and how I turn out to be today.
I haven't had the best of everything in my younger days.
I haven't had a very happy childhood to think back to.

I had to deal with crap when I was 13. And at that age, I'm supposed to be a carefree teenager, having the time of her life. But it's ok, I don't blame anyone. Though I used to push all the blame to myself, I've learnt to let it go.

I've been through real depression, whereby I hurt myself physically, and even had my own suicide planned. I've gone through laughing heartily one moment, and crying hysterically the next.
I've slammed the door at everyone, flipped the table, and cursed my own family in their faces telling them I'll be better off if they all just die. I've hid myself in my closet crying, feeling the whole world has abandoned me.

But I turn out just fine, and became stronger than before.
To be honest, I am surprised at how strong I am. Though I still do get affected by stuff, but at least now I know how to handle them.
I recover faster than before, and I can even appear unaffected, but am actually dealing with it silently.

I would not have been able to pull through all these if I haven't had friends who are always there for me, and most importantly, a family who didn't give up on me.

My friends could have jolly well thrown me aside saying,
"She's a crazy bitch. Let her deal with her own problems."

My family could have jolly well gave up on me saying,
"She's hopeless. This is what we get by trying to help. Forget it."

But they didn't.

My family never knew I had depression. And I've never told them about it.
They would have never guessed I wanted to kill myself, until they see me dead.
But I'm glad I didn't.

I'm glad I didn't.

So many beautiful things have happened to me since then, and I cherish them even more. I've learnt to show my appreciations. Cos I never know when I'm gonna lose it. This is the beauty of it.

I've always believed that nobody can't do without anybody.
We came into the world alone, acquiring lots of stuff. But when we leave, we leave alone.
We've been doing fine all the while before anyone comes into our life. Our life becomes so much better when that someone comes into it, but we will still survive when that someone leaves our life.

No doubt it is gonna be extremely heartbroken and painful to deal with.
But why not take a step back and look at the whole picture? You will see another side of it. You will see the better side of it.
I've been there, done that. And now I'm good.

When something drastic happens, I allow myself to just crumble and fall. I become stagnant in broken pieces and do nothing but drown myself in self-pity.
But I set a deadline for myself. Once the period is up, I whipped myself into shape again. No matter how hard it is, no matter how many times I relapsed into crumbling and feeling like a total complete ultimate loser, I still make sure I snapped outta it.

People have asked me how I manage to do all these. And honestly, I don't know how I did it. I guess I'm just really lucky to have a really strong and tough inner soul.

I'm sharing what I've gone through, and how I pulled through, cos I want you guys to know that nothing is impossible or too tough to handle. If you feel overwhelmed, reach out your hand and ask for help. Someone will definitely give you that lift of faith you need.

I don't deny I'm still practising asking for help. But I've come so far.

So please do not, DO NOT give up. For one, I am here for you.
It is tough right now, and you really wanna give up all.
But you WILL pull through my friend.
You will pull through.

Cos for one, I will not let you fall.
Even if I have to drag you to your feet.

Just promise you won't give up alright?
Everything's gonna be fine.

P.S. My blog is evident of all the shiats and rainbows I've gone through. So this is not those typical "perfect preach" entry which hasn't been practiced. Been there, done that. If I can do it, why can't you?

All about

: elise :

Jack (or is it Jane?) of all trades,
(almost!)

but Master of none.
(trying to!)

This is my paradise, where I indulge my senses grandiloquently.

A collective effort to keep family & friends updated, and for random strangers to pop by.

I wanted to put a HUGE picture of myself in this space, but being the technologically challenged person that I am, I can't figure out the mojo of it.

So I guess I'll just have to make do with scattering loads of random self-shots all over the blog!

: xoxo :

Hugs & Kisses

: xoxo :

: blabbers :

Gallery of

: memoirs :

Ending

: credits :

Inspired by:

JUICE & Undying Love

Edited by:

Yours Truly... Elise Tan