:: eLise is me ::: A hodgepodge entry

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

La vie est Belle <>

A hodgepodge entry

I tendered my notice of resignation on Monday and my last day of work is this Friday.

I should be feeling happy and relieved that a workless future is approaching soon but yet that’s not how I feel.

I guess that’s because of everything that’s happening around me.

Hmm… Not really everything. It’s just 1 thing.

.
.
.

Death.

.
.
.

Firstly it happened to one of my sistas and she’s quite affected by it. She somehow went into a retreat to ponder over things and to get over it.

Then recently another friend of mine went through the same thing. But I believe he’s strong enough. He will be fine.

I guess it kindda affected me a little. Brought back not-so-pleasant memories.

I experienced the death of a relative once and the thing that got to me is that life is really that short and you never know when your turn is. I see my gramp so badly affected by it then and it pains my heart to see her so sad. I guess I was also quite affected by it during that period, cos I was so obsessed with death and yet so terrified of it.

I once had a dream of my Dad passing away. In that dream, I was at his funeral. I remembered clearly that I had to watch his body sail away in a raft adorned with flowers, into the sea. In the dream, I was crying. And when I woke up, I was crying.

That dream was so real that I actually cried out for real while sleeping. And that terrified me. The thought of him never returning.

I looked up on dream interpretation and came across this:
When dreaming the death of a certain someone, it means that you have neglected them.

That is so true. I have neglected him at that point.

Yesterday Uncle TS gave me this book to read and I came across these sentences:

“Very often we are separated from our near and dear ones. Such separation caused great pain of mind. We should understand that all association must end with separation.”

“As fruits fall from a tree – tender, ripe or old – even so we die in our infancy, prime or old age.”

“The sun rises in the East only to set in the West.”

“Flowers bloom in the morning to fade in the evening.”

When a mother was questioned why she did not weep over the tragic death of her only son, she replied. “Uninvited he came. Uninformed he went. As he came so he went. Why should we weep? What avails weeping?”

I know there is no way that you guys can treat it as though it has never happened. But at least I hope and wish that you guys will feel better as time passes.

There are those
who do not realize
that one day we all must die.
But those who do realize this
settle their quarrels.

It’s high time I quit the cold war between me and my gramp. She must be feeling so terrible now. I too feel terrible inside but just for the sake of my pride, I refused to talk to her.

I’m such a fucking terrible person. I hate myself.

I’m so sorry gramp.
I really am.

All about

: elise :

Jack (or is it Jane?) of all trades,
(almost!)

but Master of none.
(trying to!)

This is my paradise, where I indulge my senses grandiloquently.

A collective effort to keep family & friends updated, and for random strangers to pop by.

I wanted to put a HUGE picture of myself in this space, but being the technologically challenged person that I am, I can't figure out the mojo of it.

So I guess I'll just have to make do with scattering loads of random self-shots all over the blog!

: xoxo :

Hugs & Kisses

: xoxo :

: blabbers :

Gallery of

: memoirs :

Ending

: credits :

Inspired by:

JUICE & Undying Love

Edited by:

Yours Truly... Elise Tan